Motherhood, your way.
You know what kind of mother you want to be.
You want to be kind, patient and present.
You want to love deeply + forgive quickly.
You want to provide your children with a safe space to express themselves and their emotions.
You want your children to grow up secure + confident in who they are.
So why does that feel so hard to achieve, day to day? Why do you still find yourself yelling, getting triggered, and repeating things you heard from your own parents, as a child?
Gentle parenting is great. Respectful parenting, unconditional parenting, all great!
And in order to be that parent, you need to work on yourself first.
You’ve gotta look at your own inner world. Overcome your childhood wounds. Forgive the past. Let go of unhelpful beliefs, stories + fears.
Basically, you’ve gotta deal with your own baggage in order to become the mother you want to be. For you, and for your children.
Picture this: you’re rushing to get out the door, your baby just did a poo explosion, your toddler is having a meltdown because they’ve lost bunny (again) and you’re running late.
Your stress + anxiety equals your childrens’ stress + anxiety. The more worked up you get, the more they do. It makes it harder for everyone.
You know you want to stay calm, patient and understanding. But internally you feel like screaming and your body is tense and you’re on the edge of losing it. Maybe you yell + then feel instantly guilty for it.
Why are you not able to stay the calm parent you want to be in this instance? Because as a child, you were never taught how to calm + regulate your nervous system. You were never taught or allowed to feel + express your emotions. So as an adult, you experience anxiety and suppress your emotions.
In order to stay calm in this moment, and to model that to your children, you need to give it to yourself. You need to know how to calm and regulate your own body, so that you can teach them to calm theirs. You need to be okay with your own emotions, all of them, so that you can be okay with their emotions too.
That’s what the inner work is – working on your own “stuff” first, so you can show up as the mother you want to be.
Maybe you’re having a bad day, and you’re feeling stress about your size + weight, feeling super unhappy with your body. You’re turning to food for comfort, and scrutinising your appearance in the mirror all day. Verbally, you’re telling your daughter that she is perfect just the way she is and that it’s what inside that counts. But guess what she’s learning from you?
She’s learning that her size matters, and if she’s the “wrong” size she should be unhappy about it. She’s learning that food is a comfort, and that she can soothe her emotions by overeating. She’s learning to judge and criticise her own reflection in the mirror.
It’s not what we tell our children that matters, it’s what they observe and witness. And no matter how hard you try to hide it, your body image issues + relationship with food is going to impact your children. It leaks out in moments that you don’t even realise – comments, glances in the mirror, eating habits.. they notice it all.
The only way to support your children to have a healthy body image and great relationship with food is by modelling that yourself. And that means doing some inner work. That means working on yourself first, so that you can avoid passing those issues onto your children.
How about this one: you want to be a calm, present mother. Of course you do! But more often than you’d like, you find yourself scrolling on your phone, using screen time to occupy your children, and just generally trying to escape. You feel tired, irritable and drained. You don’t have the energy to play all day, even though you want to be the kind of mum that does.
You snap at your kids and partner for no reason, and you feel resentful every time your partner gets time to himself or sits down on the couch. Why are you so far from the mother you want to be?
Because you have a story in your mind that says mothers shouldn’t take care of themselves. A belief that to be a mother is to be a martyr. An inner story that your worth as a mother is dependant on you being superwoman, doing it all, taking care of everyone else without complaint.
When you recognise those stories + beliefs and consciously choose new ones, everything changes. You choose to believe that self care is the best thing a mum can do for her family. You decide that being a martyr is not helping anyone, and you start asking for support. And now? You have the energy to play, because your cup is a little more full. You don’t feel resentful towards your partner, you see it as a reminder for yourself to get some rest + alone time too. You are happier, calmer, more present and way more fun because you rewrote your inner beliefs and prioritised rest + self-care.
Everyone benefits when you work on yourself.
When you uncover + let go of your baggage, you can become the person, wife, mother, daughter and friend you want to be.
If you’re done with trying to ignore your inner baggage, and ready to become the mum you want to be – you’re in the right place!
Click here to find out how I can help you achieve that.
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